Pull Your Head Out

Geez, kids these days!

"I need help. I can't stand all the sting noise when I play through my mega-expensive effects processor. Here's what it sounds like; do you have any suggestions?"

Yeah, your problem cannot be solved with more or different gear. Your problem is that you don't play with authority. Your intonation is way off and your bends are weak. You sound like a noob with expensive toys. Stop letting your guitar play you and start playing your guitar.

"I have a problem. I put 8s on my guitar and tuned down and now I have a lot of buzzing. What's wrong with my guitar?"

You have a problem alright. You need to grow a pair and put some adult strings on that guitar and tune it back to where god intended it to be.

"Help. My fingers hurt when I press down on the strings. What can I do?"

It's not like the video games, kid. Keep going until you see blood. Rinse and repeat for a few weeks and you'll be okay.

"My tech screwed up my guitar. I took it in for a setup and..."

There's your problem, Sparky. You took your guitar in for a setup. Do you have somebody go fill up your car for you too? Do you have somebody chew your food for you before you eat it? Geezu Fuckin' Christ, it's not rocket surgery. Learn how to do it yourself.

"My new toy sounds like shit. I plugged it into a Marshall stack down in my concrete basement and...."

Sell it all and join the fucking Army.

Stupid people everywhere....